The Expendables Review

 
So many fun and enjoyable moments, but so many of these overshadowed by poor dialogue, pointless scenes and general incoherence.

I'm still unclear as to the point of this movie; or even why we should care for these characters at all.

The film is tarnished with poor attempts to create back stories for the two main leads (Stallone & Statham). Stallone's scenes with Rourke feel forced and unnecessary. While Statham's were predictable, contrived and pointless.

The rest of the expendables also feel like they were thrown in at the last minute, like bonus characters in a computer game. They serve no real purpose and at best seem to be the comedy relief in the film.

Stallone wanted some sort of meaty story with just as meaty action. In the end we got neither. He clearly struggles with the ensemble and what to do with the characters.The action scenes themselves, whilst there are some high moments, they come across as showcases for each of the actors action chops rather then to further the plot.

Was really looking forward to this, but I think Sly could have done with baking the cake a little longer.

I do see some glints of great fun in the movie and perhaps in a sequel, he can try and turn those glints into something memorable.

As it is, the movie fell flat for me. Wait for the DVD.

4/5

Mirror's Edge Review

Hi peeps. Sorry for the disappearing act. It's kind of hard sometimes to get inspiration to start writing. I am very opinionated, but giving opinions on things that people may want to read about is a whole other ball game.

In any case, here is my review of Mirror's Edge. This game was originally released on the PS3 and Xbox 360 in November 2008. I shall be reviewing the Xbox 360 version of the game.
I don't want to dwell too much into the finer aspects of the game, as it's relatively old at this point, so I'll do my utmost to keep it short and sweet.

For those of you who have not heard or played this game, ME (Mirror's Edge) is a first person game based around the recent phenomenon of 'Parkour' or 'Free Running'. Think of parkour mechanics of Assassin's Creed, only in first person and set in the not too distant future and you can start to get an idea.
Faith lives in a fictitious city where the residents live in oppressive bliss. Life is so controlled and watched by the authorites that the city has lost any sort of life and charm to it. Freedom of speech is essentially a thing of the past and propaganda keeps the residents in blissful ignorance. Faith being the upstart that she is, is intent on following or parent's rebellious legacy by sorting out the truth from the bull. What follows is a somewhat cliché tale of intrigue, action and social commentary.

Hey Faith, your make-up's running...

The gameplay mechanics are more than a little different that most other first person games which you may have played. Firstly, the emphasis of the game is on acrobatic movements that you see in parkour. The controls most definitely have a learning curve, but once you get the basics down, you are wall running like a ninja on steroids. The hand to hand combat and the gunplay unfortunately don't seem to have been thought out as well. In particular, I felt the technuque of disarming an opponent was much harder than what was necessary. The player is asked to press the Y button at the moment the opponents gun turns red. Unfortunately, this is much harder than it sounds as the time frame for you button press, is very small. There are also some other moves you can do, which really would have been helped by some sort of lock on feature.

Finally, the gunplay is as basic as it gets, not only in terms of controls, but also in the selection of weapons you can come across.I get the impression that the gun-play was a last minute feature or was purposely made difficult so you would only need it as a last resort. If it is the case that they wanted you to avoid using firearms, perhaps they should have put more focus on the hand to hand combat system. But in fairness to developers, it was made clear throughout the game that your character is designed to evade trouble rather than make it, but too often, the situation calls for it, and a shotgun round to the face is a quicker resolution than doing a leap over a cardboard box.

Graphics are really quite striking, while they aren't the most detailed you'll ever see, they really do have their own character. The game also runs quite smooth with some rare occasions of frame rate drops and screen tearing.

So in totality, the game, overall provided quite a positive experience. The story while looks good on paper, was quite lacklustre and really wasn't developed enough. The cutscenes are done in a sort of cartoony style and unfortunately they look like some poor RTÉ cartoon. I think they should have really left them to the in game engine.

In considering of all of the above, I would recommend the game to anyone who wants a change of pace from the usual first person fair. I would recommend you purchase the game for the PS3, for the simple reason that the 360 analogue sticks are a bit too stiff for the game and I found my left thumb really starting to ache after relatively short periods. I think a sequel is definitely warranted and I definitely see a huge amount of potential in the game.

7/10

The Other Guys

"I'm going to break your hip". These words by themselves don't mean very much, but when heard in this movie they are the funniest words I've heard all year.

The Other Guys is an action comedy, buddy movie starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. Ferrell plays a police force accountant, while Wahlberg plays the role of a troubled detective. Both officers have been shunned by the rest of the department and each other (although, Ferrell's character is definitely feeling the cold shoulder more).

While the movie starts off as some sort crazy buddy movie starring Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L Jackson, their roles in the movie take an absolutely hilarious turn in the movie, at which point our two headliners take centre stage.

The film also stars Eva Mendez as Ferrell's inexplicably hot wife, Steve Coogan as a sort helpless villain and the simply fantastic Michael Keaton as 'Captain Gene'.

As you would expect from the consistently funny Will Ferrell, a lot of the scenes are improvised and generally hilarious as a result. The pairing would normally generate red flags to a regular movie-goer, actually works really well- Wahlberg also comes across as having a fantastic sense of humour and the chemistry between the two stars is truly entertaining to watch.

The film plays out as you would expect, but some truly funny scenes, great casting and even better chemistry, make this a really funny and enjoyable flick.

If you don't like Will Ferrell, you definitely won't like this and while it doesn't do anything particularly new, there is something truly unique in it and as such, I have to recommend it to anyone with a sense of humour.


4/5

NEW TRAILER 'The Last Guardian'

So, in complete contrast to the metaphorical rape of Devil May Cry, below (2nd video) is a trailer of the new game from the creators of 'Ico' and 'Shadow of the Colossus'; The Last Guardian. Also, I've embedded the trailer for the Ico & Shadow of the Colossus Collection.

If you have not played these two games, there is HD remake coming early next year and you would be a fool to not pick them up.
In any case, take a look at the video below and enjoy. I know I will.

An open letter to Capcom

Dear Mr. Capcom,

Recently you announced the next game in the Devil May Cry series. I am huge fan of the series and was quite excited by this announcement. Well, I was excited in so far as there was a new Devil May Cry game.Unfortunately, you decided to metaphorically piss all over your creation and the fans of said creation via two stupid mother f**king decisions.

Firstly, you decided to put a team (Ninja Theory) with no track record of quality onto the task of developing one of your most popular franchises. In fact, they only produced one game and let me tell you this.... Heavenly Sword is not, I repeat- Heavenly Sword is not a good basis to decide to hand the development of this game over to Ninja Theory. In fact, there is no scenario whatsoever, where they should be developing this game or to be honest- ANY GAME!!!

Secondly, you decided to change one of your most iconic characters into this:-

Which one is Prince?

Dante has just seen his redesign....LOCK YOUR F**KING DOORS!!!

I think this small child expresses my feelings perfectly



Yours fucksakely,

Fuck you Capcom

SOTC

For those of you who don't know (or don't care), the Tokyo Game Show is on this week and there are strong rumours that a HD version of Shadow of the Colossus will be announced at a Sony conference. For me and millions of other gamers, this is a big deal.
Shadow of the Colossus and it's predecessor are known as one of the greatest games of all time and the demand for HD versions of the games is extremely high.

SOTC in particular is a prime example of immersion in a game. The game begins with a strange warrior riding over a bridge carrying an unconscious maiden. They arrive at a temple where he lays her down on an alter. The temple is home to a mysterious voice which tasks the warrior with defeating several colossi in order to save the life of the maiden. And so the game begins....

The sense of loneliness in this game is fantastic and even though the protagonist never speaks, the player is easily and quickly immersed in the universe and the graphics still hold up to this day.
If you haven't played this game, you seriously need to. If you have never even heard of it, you truly are missing out on a classic.

My most overrated and over appreciated movies.

 Yes, you can over appreciate movies. Like anything in life, rose tinted glasses help to blind you from the truth that a movie or any form of artistic medium isn’t actually that good.

A personal example for me would be the film...........wait for it..............just a little longer.....................’Don’t be a Menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the Hood’. Firstly, don’t judge me. I was an innocent child who didn’t know any better. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. The toilet humour was great. The references were great (even the ones I didn’t get). I thought it was a hidden gem. I thought wrong.

I grew up; grew some hair, voice broke slightly and my brain developed a little more. The film is about as much fun as an episode of Eastenders. Terrible, terrible stuff.  It is from the same morons who brought you your favourite classics such as Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, Scary Movie 3, Disaster Movie and ‘Put random noun in front of the word 'movie', in a hapless attempt at implying fun shenanigans Movie’.

If you are thinking of putting an end to it all, pop one of the Wayans brother’s movies into your VHS player and you’ll soon discover the courage to continue fighting the good fight. Because, no matter how sad your life gets, you know the rest.

Anyways, back to the task at hand (see above title)

1)      Apocalypse Now

The story is if I can recall, is that a crazy General (Marlon Brando) has set up a cult in a Vietnamese jungle and a soldier (Martin Sheen) is sent in to take him out. First reaction is, YAWN! Second reaction is sigh and the final motion is hit eject.

The film tries to come across as some sort of 2001: A Space Odyssey set in a jungle. Don’t get me wrong, the plots are like chalk and cheese, but the director’s attempt at trying to ignite some deep, meaningful thought from the viewer failed on me. I come from the school of thought that you should say what you mean, as chopping off the head of a cow doesn’t really get your point or any point across.

In the end, the soldier kills the general while also on some sort of psychedelic mind trip to the twilight zone.

What the hell is the movie about?!!! Someone tell me! Answers on a postcard or just leave a comment below.

2)        2001: A Space Odyssey

*stretches fingers*.......*coughs*...........*sniffs*..........

Fuck it! Next!

3)        The Godfather Trilogy

I don’t get it. I don’t understand what the hype is for these movies and what the hate is for the 3^rd one of the series. I mean, it can’t be any more boring than the first two films.

Firstly, I have to admit, that I didn’t sit through the whole lot of any of the movies, but that’s because I was bored witless. They are gangster movies, more specifically about one specific family. It follows the rise and fall (? I don’t know what happens in the end) of Michael Corleone. If you like movies about the mafia, perhaps you’ll like it. If you don’t, like me, you’re going to struggle to see what all the fuss is about.

It’s a movie about what a Mafia family got up to during the 20th century. Why was this film given Oscars?! It’s really not that interesting. At best, it’s a heavily funded soap opera with swearing and guns.

4)      Blade Runner

Man living in a futuristic Tokyo-esque city. Hunts gang of criminal Androids. Androids look like humans. Man uses test to see if Androids are human or not. Man finds gang of androids and takes them out one by one.  Man has final face off with head android on a rooftop in the rain. Android gives emotional speech and then dies. Man’s partner suggests that Man is an android. Man dreams unicorn (as you do). Film ends.

I

DON’T

GET IT!

5)      The Sixth Sense

This is the most modern example of an overrated movie. The premise is about a boy who sees ghosts or ‘dead people’. He also has some sort of counsellor played by Bruce Willis. In the end, it turns out that his counsellor is also a ghost. What a fantastic twist. I mean the movie was actually quite boring, but you know the twist at the end is fantastic. Isn't it? it's just fantastic really. Sorry, I couldn't quite hear you, could you speak up? I said, that the twist at end was fantas...WRONG!!!

If on it's original release, I was to remove that twist at the end, the movie would have taken a trip on the hype train, destination- Yawn ville, home of the famous Goldfish wildlife preserve . You know what, leave the twist in. It’s still going on the train, together with all the other hundred movies who tried to do the same trick of making the audience think one thing and then reveal at the end that their preconceived notions were wrong. OOOOhhh AAAAAAAh  THAT’S..................................shit.

 Please leave your comments below